Dead but Dreaming

And with the 2008 playoffs, the NHL is officially back in business.  

I have not seen, heard, or felt such a buzz surrounding the first-round and potential second-round playoff match-ups in quite a number of years now.  Perhaps this is just a perfect stroke of good fortune that the NHL desperately needed... but more than that, it is a sneak peak of the upcoming super-"young talent" dynasty that is about to re-birth the League in the most appropriate way. (Crosby, Malkin, Ovechkin, Stastny, Price, etc..)  

Just a taste of things to come - and we're not even counting all the amazing future-stars that were left out of the Elite-8 this season. (Chicago, ready for your Cup run in 2009??)

15 days until Coachella!

Apple, you should be utterly fucking ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

Not since Hyundai "cars" have I ever witnessed such travesty in a mass-consumed product.  You fucking fail.

I've seen this about 200+ times now, and it never gets old. Premise: Ken Sander hosted a Public Access show called "Speak Out" in the early 90's, in the Metro NYC area, to "talk about issues". It was apparently on every Sunday night at 11:00 pm. This is a clip of Ken getting prank call after prank call, and he takes it all with pretty good humor...

COMEDY GOLD.

Skunks are the single reason why there may not be a Divine Creator after all.  Who in their right mind would design a creature with such a foul weapon?  Can you imagine God sitting in a chemistry lab and going, "heehehehee, now this shit is just so foul that I can't wait to unleash it upon my other creations kthxbyekekeke!"  Just doesn't make any sense.  But if this was in fact the case, that He did sendeth his Messenger of Tremendous Stench to his otherwise fine Garden of Eden, then perhaps He is really not the "holy benevolent creator" persona that a lot of people seem to believe he is.

Either way, the Big Man loses.

**Spoiler warning**

As eager as I am to see the story move along, I'm not sure that I like the way they are doing it.  Especially the 2nd episode of Season 4 (aired this past week).  The 1st episode was not bad - it continued the "flash forward" device introduced in the Season 3 finale, but the 2nd episode seemed to be all over the place.... here are the reasons why I think it didn't jive with me:

The pacing.  Episode 2 was burdened with the introduction and flashbacks of four brand new characters and one now-dead Naomi - all were "jumpers" or survivors of the chopper that supposedly came from the freighter (the "NOT PENNY'S BOAT" boat).  The result was a jumbled, hurried mess of an episode.  It almost didn't even feel like and episode of LOST, as most of the major cast were just glossed over or outright ignored in favor of these uninteresting, function-obvious characters:

- The Chinese guy (Miles?) who talks to ghosts/invisible people will very obviously have something to do with Jacob;
- Charlotte(?), the British chick, will obviously be looking into the whole "Polar bear" phenomenon;
- The grizzled pilot guy will uh, just walk around and perhaps investigate some wreckage;
- That other dude who jumped out first in the Season opener has pretty much nothing to do with anything.
- Naomi dead.

Even the revelation that they had only come for Ben, and that Ben knew who these guys were, and that box of biohazard masks, etc., etc., didn't interest me in the least bit.  It just felt too forced and unnecessary... like Ben just had to know who these guys were, just to add another layer of mystery for next week.  I hate Ben's character, it has stopped becoming interesting a looong time ago.

The only really interesting thing that happened:  Locke's reaction when Hurley mentioned the Cabin... Locke may be catching Ben's "Jacob-jealousy".  Which may be what eventually drives Hurley to be one of the "Oceanic 6"...?!

And where the hell was Desmond?

1.) Dance "movies".   Can we just put these fucking things out of their misery already?  They keep coming back, like that annoying, scabby rash near your groin.  THESE ARE NOT MOVIES.  They are dance showcases/videos weakly disguised as pathetic excuses for movies.  There is a world of difference between the two.

Step Up, Step Up 2, How She Move (which is also committing the cardinal sin of miseducating the population with poor grammar), Stomp The Yard, You Got Served, etc., etc., all of these fucking movies need to just die.

If you just want to watch people dance for real, go to a goddamn nightclub, or turn on "So You Think You Can Dance" on TV, or petition for more actual dance showcase programs on television.  Stop supporting this shit on the big screen.  I don't care how "authentically urban" that shit may be.

The same applies to all street-racing "movies".  Oh and I think we as a movie-watching public are also getting just a bit tired of the adapted-children's-books-with-archetypical-talking-animal-guardian movies.

EDIT: Now that I think more about it, it's not just "dancing" and "street racing".  It's really about all of these "theme"/gimmick pieces of shit that are passed as movies these days: "movies" about surfing, motorcross, skateboarding, or any form of "extreme" over-hyped sports/activity.  These are not subjects appropriate for making a real movie except in the case of a documentary.  Otherwise all you have is a poorly done showcase of the above activities, using D-list "actors" to make fools of themselves.  When was the last time anyone older than 14 remembered anybody who was in these fucking movies anyway? 
 
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2.) Sports talk.  If you have ever listened for over 5 minutes to sports personalities talk, congratulations, part of your IQ has been fucked out of your skull.

Sports personalities, whether we're talking about athletes themselves, or sports talk show hosts/"analysts", are degrading the English language at an alarming rate, and worst of all, they are passing the stupid-buck onto you.

Most of these guys, if they actually finished college, weren't in college for their linguistic skills, nor for their academic excellence.  All you need is a deep knowledge of sports and the business of sports, and maybe suck off a few insiders.  Being able to talk is secondary.  If you analyse their speech patterns carefully, you'll discover that:

a.) most of them are trying very hard to sound intelligent and articulate, by throwing in and repeating the "big word/popular buzz phrase of the day" in every other sentence.
b.) the vocaulary and sentence structures that they employ can be learned from completing Elementary School.  

Unfortunately, it is exactly these jack-offs that most adolescent and adult males will tune into and listen to for an entire day, and will unfortunately emulate.  Dedicated sports-talk radio stations exist for a reason - it's supply and demand.  People are being fucking brain-washed into dumbing themselves down, for Christ's sakes, and we're happily taking it up the ass.

The consequence is a society full of people walking around everyday thinking in linguistic-garbage and regurgitating it in their everyday dealings.  Here is a simple experiment to prove my point: Think about it: how many times in the last year have you heard the phrase or expression "step up to the plate"?  "I believe Jim needs to step up to the plate this time."

Too many?  Correct.  But ah, that's not the point: the point is that, three, even two years ago, this phrase had not yet even entered the popular lexicon - we had more graceful and articulate expressions for "somebody fulfilling their obligations or expectations", or "assuming leadership in a situation where a leader was needed but none were initially apparent."

And then, we degraded it.  We de-evolved.  Now, it's all about stepping up to the plate.  Crude, uneducated, primitive, unintelligent. 

This is but one example amongst many.

Please, and I'm being truly sincere and serious, stop this.  We need to reclaim the English language and re-educate and re-condition people into accepting the true beauty of the language.  Embrace it, use it.  It's your fucking heritage!  Have some goddamned pride in it!

This also applies to "reality" show contestants.  In the effort to create "drama" out of nothing, contestants are being needlessly "interviewed" and asked to express their "feelings" about any particular situation that has arisen.  Well, fuck me.  If I thought sports personalities had brain damage, then reality show contestants must have horse shit for brains.  You cannot comprehend a single word or sentence that spews out of their foul, unintelligent orifices. 

I weep for an entire generation of teenage girls.

So, I finally had my "audition"/jam thing with Orchards and Vines last night.  It went well; they seemed to like what I had to offer, even though it's sometimes difficult to just walk into a situation completely cold, with no material that you can prepare with beforehand.  But yes, it went well.  We went through about 8 or 9 songs.  They were totally relaxed about the whole thing, which helped... they even offered me beer.  

I know they told me that there'd never be any "pressure" in this band, but even before the session ended, they were already inviting me to try to lay down some preliminary tracks for their second record.  Next week.  Yeah, and we'll probably be doing a gig sometime in March.  They seemed mighty anxious to get this album done, and that in itself constitutes some pressure on my part.

In a related story, I now have a firmer grasp of what my stupid new years resolution will be.  I demand a lot of myself, no question, but I almost never live up to my own expectations.  The result is me constantly strutting around with an inflated sense of accomplishment and pride, based solely upon these expectations and the hope that when the time comes, I can cash in my innate potential and overcome the obstacles.  

Well, that's fine and all, but aint' that just scrapping by?  My resolution is therefore to: either adjust my expectations of myself and the world, or be better prepared and work harder to substantiate my feelings of accomplishment, which I like, frankly.

The prospect of joining this band excites me.  I love the vocals.

There is a very simple litmus test to determine whether or not one has reached true "adulthood".

If one is able to successfully conceal an ulterior motive behind the facade of another action, with said action being entirely unquestionable or unable to be discounted due to 1.) the action's inherent validity and "believability", and 2.) trust and respect for the person performing the action OR an inability by an outside party to reasonably change the course of action - then one can be said to have reached comtemporary "adulthood".

Both 1.) and 2.) are strong and equal partners that constituite this perfect "infallibility" - both must be present in equal strength.  Remove one of these buttresses, and the dome shall fall.